not ready to hand over the keys

quite yet


collage on wood panel
roughly
7 x 9 inches.

bed paintings

These are from last week, or so...
the snow does not seem to go away and, like the urge to stay wrapped in blankets, or at least perched on the mattress, and distanced from the chores, will not go away!

Some musings on my son's contribution to my art

Not only are my sons inspiration, but they have given me the material, literally, to paint on.
Here- eaglet, Mother bear and son, bird rookery, and Bald eagle totem are all painted on paper made from my son's over worn kahki pants, bits of maps, and small inclusions.

a new painting

is in the works. You can see the stumbling and the inspiration. Still have layers of maps to add. After all she looks a little lost.

Flowers in memory

After making it through the winter I was surprised by the sadness that spring brought when I smelled the flowers I had planted for my husband. This is a large painting with maps and layers... acrylic on wood, 24 x 32 inches

I think she is done

It was so easy. I do not have a title for her...
any ideas?

a tangle of lines to leap off of

Paint is such a magnificent tool for discovering messages inside and outside ourselves...
Here is a series of paintings... really just ONE painting that kept changing and transforming, a record of a journey this time last spring... I feel like the signs my marriage was ending were all there... and as I hung it out to dry, so to speak. It became so complicated, and then the two birds appeared- they were made from maps. I tried to let a dialogue happen and be positive and willing... suddenly a sharp division and wild place became evident. I actually became so frightened of this work that I cut it into tiny tiny pieces...

Steps to forgive

I think I've stopped dissolving. My painting has gone through as many transformations as my flighty horoscope-gemini-mood-moon-calendar! First I was too illustrative, then unbearably dark and shadowy. A frustrated brainless attack left the paintings a surface victim. Now, after today, I find the line and color are resolving themselves. In my own life I am starting to feel less the protagonist in a dramatic short story, not as much in the guilt ridden shadows, and actually, eventually, more substantial and brilliant. It took measures such as confessional tea dates with very patient girlfriends, driving across states to help a bigger cause, spending time rooted with siblings, working the gratitude list, crying salty oceans, and telling myself over and over that I forgive me. I forgive me. I didn't do it perfectly, but I can believe in more joy.

scattered

I am surprised I have a shadow for to do so, I must have substance. I feel vaporous.
So depressed about my children and their choices. I am powerless.
Who am I if I am not their mother anymore?
I threw down maps....
I am nothing but tracks between places I have been...

the beginings of a bleeding heart

Mona Lisa egg, tea, and me

Evolution of a portrait

I did a brave and appalling thing yesterday by trying to paint myself half undressed, at my age! Lately I have been reviewing my work and coincidentally mounting a mini-retrospective at a local venue. Surprising myself,it seems as though I have been painting nests in various media and with various symbolism for YEARS, decades... So it is time to really look, to really see what I am trying to say. Is there a way to say it clearly enough so that I can move beyond the repetitive nest? How raw is the experience? I feel as though there is a spiritual message I have constantly failed to properly convey. I feel humbled. I feel I have to get back to the studio...

Here are some stages and details to yesterday's experience.

I admire Alice Neel for being able, at age 84, to look starkly, and artistically at herself and celebrate the inner soul. Her painting is at the National Portrait gallery in Washington DC.

This is 18 x 12 inches, acrylic paint and map collage on birch luan panel

Nest with chair, nest with suitcase

The nest painting is just painted over an older image done last fall of shoes, maps and suitcase.

The earlier one was about movement- I was actually trying to pack for a trip to Miami Basel.
This new painting more about being still- though there is the hint, with the vehicle in background, of movement. (I think that is my family exiting)

Love on wheels

8.5 x 8.5 inches.
Ah- memory of the year(s) between my first love Bobby and my husband Rick. I spent the time traveling up both coasts of the country...
First there was the pink Cadillac that responded to my thumb and brought me up the Californian coast. Then there was
Tedward. We rode his almost silent BMW from Boston to Montreal. Hmmm... where are those black leather pants?

Girl on a swing

this is 9.5 x 9.5 inches, paint and collage maps on panel.
My memories for the first happy ten years of my life reveal the glory of easy days sweeping through the air into canopies of trees, and my dad's care in always setting up a good swing where ever we moved.